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sosa-parks:

Everyday I’m like “today imma get my shit together” and by the end of the day I’m like “tomorrow is the day for real”

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  • 1 day ago
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baconsloth:

deoxyhemoglobin:

I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. when I actually drew him, there was just a little squirt of blood and it surprised him

I looked him in they eye and told him “you’re bleeding because you don’t floss”

and he went dead silent

had the opportunity and fucking seized it

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snorlaxatives:

7 billion people, 14 billion ass cheeks

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puppyluver43:

I don’t like morning people or mornings or people

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  • 2 days ago
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usb-dongle:

it has been one of my greatest dreams to beat the living shit out of something at least once so god fucking help anybody that ever tries to assault me because i will be brimming with every violent urge that i have ever tucked away in my entire life

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  • 2 days ago
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lameust:

guy:

slaapular:

guy:

carpenter side of tumblr can u explain morning wood

hammering should do the trick

thank u i’ll make sure to do that tomorrow

 

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  • 2 days ago
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fionagoodess:

when people ask you how school is:

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embarrassmental:

narcotic:

what if people named their kids when they turn 18 so the kid has a name that fits its personality

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